life is beautiful

My last blog post was January 13.

Since then, my whole world has ended.  And begun again.  And faltered, then started over.
My mother died February 22.

It was fast, yet took forever.
It was a complete surprise, yet there was a long period of descent to the end.
It was life-shattering, even though I always thought it would be livable.

My grief has been all-encompassing.
And at the same time, the other aspects of my life have also been deeply traumatic.
There has been very little respite.

I do find moments of calm / beauty / love / happiness / peace,
but they are rare and always followed quickly by long periods of strife / ugliness / hatred / misery / deep unhappiness.  So many factors are at play, most of them not within my control.

I'm starting up a photo course that focuses (sorry for the bad pun - my mama would be proud LOL) on finding peace.  I'm hoping to truly be able to engage in this course and share my progress here.

Perhaps the painful tangle of emotions and looping thoughts can give way to some equanimity?
♥